(Source: ronsworschach)
flirting expert rebecca larue is making seth uncomfortable.
my favourite new SNL character.
owl.gif
“Alan, when I say the word ‘Owl’, I want you to be that owl you mentioned a minute ago, emitting a pellet and feeling very happy with yourself.”
conan thorogood: mathematician
smashed avocado on toast is probably the easiest snack to make. everyone can make it. everyone but you. i’m having trouble trying to find one part of this semen fungus mush on two slices of carpet torn from a brothel floor that i would touch (let alone eat) without someone holding a gun to my head. why did you cook the avocado? why? why did you do that ?!? why is it so soggy? you haven’t even spread it evenly, what the fuck is wrong with you? there are more questions than ingredients here and hate is a strong word but i think i hate you.
here’s what happened here. i know because i’ve done it. he likes avocado, he likes cheese, he presumes they’ll work together. he spreads some avocado on bread, then puts some slices of cheese on the top, and does it in the microwave for a bit. the cheese goes gross and runny like it does in the microwave, but also, since his plate isn’t big enough for two slices of bread, the cheese runs down the slope created by the overlap and congeals in one section. it looks wretched and actually doesn’t taste great either. then, because he’s a fucking bell end, he photographs it and brags on the internet that he “cooked” “Avacado”. CASE CLOSED.
Megan Amram: Quiz: Do You Have Cancer?
Do you have cancer? Find out with this fun, flirty quiz!!
1. It’s the middle of class and your crush looks over to see you:
a. Texting him!
b. Paying attention to the teacher. Come on – it’s class!
c. Picking at a large new mole that has recently developed on your forearm!
*
(Source: shitthatsirisays)
